"Motherhood can not be learnt...it can only be earned" – Garima Gulati Bhutani
I wonder if this is the same me who used to have doubts about pregnancy a few months back. It feels strange to think of all that now. The little bundle of joy which God gifted me washed away all the dirt and doubt. Now I feel I was incomplete without him.
I and Ankit frequently talk about what we would be doing without him around, and the answer we instantly get is that we would have gotten bored. This never came up in our 6 year long and beautiful relationship and suddenly everything has started looking so different. It did change my life and to a greater deal than I thought, I did not see this coming. I used to wonder how I will manage this new responsibility waiting at my doorstep, but now it feels that all this wondering kept me busy and happy for nine amazing months; now I have no time for wondering and doubts and all my time and feelings are for my little prince. I can not take my eyes off him even for a second. I start humming to soothe him, even if I am not next to him, when I hear him cry. Then I realise that he obviously can’t hear me and how stupid I am for being this way. It’s still a mystery, how all this happened in just a few minutes, may be this is what doctors call “Hormones”. But I believe this is much more than that.
It truly is a miracle how a new life changes your personality, your thoughts, perception, your schedule, your mind…..simply everything. I feel I am blessed when I see him. Must have done something right to be so lucky? Touchwood…
I feel elated when I see myself in the mirror each morning, so fresh even after restless nights…so confident even without any experience of baby care. Now I can say that I know what it is to be like a mother. I used to ask my Mom, “How can you be so busy to not think about yourself”, “How can you forget yourself when you are taking care of us”, “why can’t you make some time for yourself even when we are around”….and now I’ve started asking the same questions to myself. The answer is “it just happens”, how and why is a secret. I am so indulged in the new love that I have recently found that I can not imagine myself without him now. I have fallen in love all over again. This is my new avatar and I just love it.
The times now are a total contrast to what they were earlier. I still remember the first time I held him in my hands...I didn’t even know how to hold a baby then and now, ask me anything mommies. I never thought I will grow so much in so little time, that I’ll ever be this confident.
Today I told Ankit that I love someone much more than I love him. He was happier than ever to hear that because it was our baby which I was talking about. Our relationship got a new meaning on 27.06.2009; it is the day we’ll proudly celebrate as “Aadit’s birthday” in the years to come. This new journey gives me newer things to look forward to every second. Every moment spent with my cutie pie is enriching and unique. He is the charming one who grew inside me all these months; it surely is some sought of magic. Me, Ankit and God did it without anyone seeing a wand. Wow…now I actually feel on top of the world when I label myself as “Ma”. I just love my new Aavtaar.
Thats why I say that you can not learn motherhood from anyone, you can only earn it by being a Ma yourself.
